Kia ora koutou katoa / Hi everyone,
I’m a clinical psychologist and writer from New Zealand (Aotearoa). Aka a Kiwi from the land of 5 million people, 26 million sheep and jaw-droppingly beautiful scenery.
On Medium I write about life and love — how to stand strong and navigate this…
You know the kind of friend I mean, don’t you?
The one who leaves you emotionally exhausted, in desperate need of a lie down or a stiff drink. Even if you don’t drink.
Most of us, at some time or other have found ourselves struggling with this one-sided kind of…
“Can we do the death exercise?” a client asked me.
I hesitated a moment. This was unusual: it’s usually me that comes up with the exercises. And, if I was going to suggest this one, I wouldn’t describe it like that. It sounds a bit, well, bleak.
“You know,” she…
A woman had been with her partner for eight years — on and off.
Mostly on, to be fair. They’d had a few breaks but they’d always come back together.
“We’re good together,” she said. “We have some great times. But I want more from him — more presence and…
It takes about four minutes to self-diagnose depression.
You find a reputed website, you jump on line, find a mental health quiz, check the boxes, hit submit and — boom — you have your answer.
Easy, right? Online mental health checklists can be helpful, they can give you some base…
Every person you meet leaves their mark.
That’s especially true when you work with people in therapy. There’s always something left behind.
I’m not talking about their phones or their water bottles or their jackets, although that sometimes happens. I’m talking about a piece of themselves. …
We send our kids out into the world armed with two goals.
We are well-intentioned when we do this. We release them into fledgling adulthood and, even if we don’t say it out loud, we’re thinking it.
We…
You know this person’s not good for you.
You know it’s not healthy; you know you should leave.
You feel almost ashamed that you’re still there. And yet — there’s something holding you in it, something you don’t quite understand.
It’s the reason many of my clients struggle to leave…
“I’m completely over my job,” my client said.
Nearly two years of pandemic-related disruption, working on the kitchen table — an arm’s length from the temptations of the fridge — endless Zoom calls and minimal social contact, had taken their toll.
“I’m tired, I’m bored; I’ve got itchy feet. Everyone’s…
Happiness, in its many different guises, is on everyone’s wish-list.
Most of us chase it through external means — that new car/house/toy, a tropical holiday, a six figure income, slimming down to a target weight.
But it intrigues me why when people achieve these goals they’re still not happy. It’s…
