Published in On The Couch·17 hours agoMember-onlyYou’re Not Lazy. Or Failing. You’re in Burnout’s Perfect StormLazy people don’t come to therapy. Here’s who do. — Burnout is everywhere. Not the screeching-to-a-halt brand of burnout. Not the kind where you wake up one day unable to get up, unable to function. It’s more like a slow burn condition, where you feel weary, then exhausted, increasingly lethargic and your brain turns to mud. Your thoughts — once…Psychology4 min read
Published in On The Couch·4 days agoMember-onlyThe Hidden Cause of Burnout Nobody Wants to AdmitIt’s embarrassing. But it shouldn’t be. — I worked with a man everyone liked. His wife, his kids, his parents, his sisters, his brother. His in-laws. His mates, both close and acquaintances. He was there for them all. His boss and all his colleagues liked him. His clients. The parents at the football club where he coached…Psychology4 min read
Published in On The Couch·Sep 23Member-onlyDo Four Things Before Bed to Smash Tomorrow Out of the ParkYou don’t have to meditate, take a cold shower or bust out yoga moves. — This is not a self-improvement lecture. You won’t be told to meditate or detach from your devices or sip a cup of herbal tea — although all those things are fine. You won’t be told to hang blackout blinds in your bedroom or take a warm bath or do some…Psychology4 min read
Published in On The Couch·Sep 19Member-onlyThe Earlier You Learn Life’s Biggest Secret, The Happier You’ll BeCoping with social rejection. — I learnt the secret when I was nine years old. It was in the school playground when my regular group of friends were waiting for me one lunchtime: Do you mind if we don’t hang out with you today? What? I mean, of course I minded. I was bewildered —…Relationships4 min read
Published in On The Couch·Sep 16Member-only8 Signs of an Easy, Emotionally Mature RelationshipIf yours is easy, celebrate it — Easy is one of my favourite psychology words. What? you say. How does “easy” fit any psychological brief? Good point. It doesn’t. It’s just that — even if it goes unsaid — it’s what we’re so often striving for in therapy. …Relationships5 min read
Published in On The Couch·Sep 12Member-onlyTo Become Highly Resilient, Work On These 5 TraitsThe keys to psychological strength and fitness — A young woman who was starving herself to death gifted me the best definition of resilience I ever heard. In the talon-like clutches of an eating disorder, she was rail thin. She’d had two spells in hospital and bore the scars of self-harm in slash marks down her thighs. She’d…Psychology4 min read
Published in On The Couch·Sep 9Member-onlyYour Partner is Troubled — But You Can’t Live Without ThemThe murky world of codependence — A young woman said she was living with an addict. “I mean,” she said, “I know that’s a big thing to say. A lot of the time he’s just my partner, we get along great, we “get” each other.” “But there’s this other side to him — the one who…Relationships5 min read
Published in On The Couch·Sep 5Member-only10 Things Highly Self-Aware People Do EffortlesslyAre you self-aware? Yep, I can see you nodding. We all like to think we’re self-aware. It’s probably because the opposite’s not in any way magnetic. I mean, who actually confesses to low self-awareness? Or — worse — a total lack of it. Who says out loud: “I have no…Psychology4 min read
Published in On The Couch·Sep 2Member-onlyWhy It’s Better to be the Invisible Child Than the Golden OneEven if it takes years to see it. — My brother was the golden child, my client said. And as she did I reflected on how many times I’d heard that line from my clients, translated to mean: My parents loved (insert name here) my sibling more than me. In my practice I’ve seen this struggle play out many…Psychology4 min read
Published in On The Couch·Aug 29Member-onlyThe One Piece of Life Advice Nobody Wants to HearIt’s the missing sock you find in your underwear. — A young woman was wanting to quit her University studies. She wasn’t enamoured with her course, she was unmotivated to study, she was increasingly resentful at the debt it was racking up. All fair. No-one wants to sign up for years of debt for something they’re not fully into. But…Inspiration4 min read
