Photo by Pixabay

How to Tell if You’re Taking Things Too Personally (and what to do instead)

You’ve just been told your outfit sucks.

Not in so many words. But the way that woman looked at you. The way she ran her eyes the length of your body. The way she squinted at your scuffed boots. You. Could. Just. Tell.

You know you shouldn’t take these things personally. You should detach. Walk away. Adopt a Zen-like expression and fill your mind with clichés: seek only to control what you can control; your opinion of me matters less than my opinion of myself; what others think of me is none of my business.

Except that it is your business. You go home. You stand in front of the mirror. You recall her face. Her scorn. And suddenly this has nothing to do with her. It’s all about you: your bad hair, your off-trend taste in clothes, the weight you’ve gained, your lumpy body, your insecurity, your self-dislike.

You have taken That Woman’s Look to heart — and it hurts.

The world is a confusing place; so are the people in it. Sometimes people are mean to us. Sometimes they’re not but we tell ourselves they are. Sometimes we’re just too sensitive for our own good.

So here’s a guide for working out the difference — and some advice for dealing with your critics.

Are You Taking Things Too Personally?

First, check your vital signs.

• You struggle to let things go. You pick conversations over and over, looking for flaws or wondering what was REALLY meant.
• You are often quick to negatively judge others (it’s a flow on from being too quick to judge yourself).
• You frequently worry that you have offended someone — even when there is no real evidence for this.
• You worry excessively about what others think of you or how you were perceived in a particular setting.
• You are very tough on yourself, often questioning why wondering why other people would want to talk to, or spend time with, you.
• You react quickly to any form of criticism, getting emotional or defensive before you have gauged if it has any merit.
• When you reflect you can see you…