What’s the best life advice you ever got?
What are the words you tucked away in your pocket or personal tool kit and have since rolled out whenever you’ve needed it?
Life advice often comes in the simplest packages, in the sharp one-liners key people drop in your lap at the exact moment you’re ready to hear it.
It interests me that these almost throwaway lines often end up having more power over us than values or virtues. When we’re under the pump, we don’t sit down and remind ourselves of our authenticity, honesty and integrity.
Instead, we reach for…
We all want to be in The Zone.
We all want to feel that we’re doing what we’re meant to: In our work; in our side hustles; in the way we go about our days.
It’s not that easy though, is it? In the great wave dump of life, there are so many things we’ve GOT to do. Earn money, pay the bills, do the chores, fulfil our responsibilities and take care of our people.
It’s hard to keep up — let alone find time to explore what truly lights us up.
But we’ve all had moments when everything felt…
Who do you wanna be?
It’s a question asked of us throughout our lives — whether we’re aware of it or not. When we’re young it comes in the form of “what do you want to do?” And for a lot of people their career takes centre stage for the rest of their lives.
I understand the importance of work. It fulfils so many needs: Money, challenge, identity, intellectual stimulation, social, meaning and legacy.
But I know — and you know too — that we don’t have our job titles carved on our gravestones. All we leave, when the end…
Do you find yourself second-guessing your relationship?
Unsure if your partner is in or out? Or worried that the one swinging back and forth is you?
If so, you may be in a push-pull cycle, a relationship pattern that will wreak havoc on your partnership — not to mention your mental health.
I worked with a man who described this pattern. He would relentlessly pursue someone (especially when she wasn’t keen) until she was finally “won over”. Then, when they seemed happy together, he’d begin to push her away.
When she noticed he’d cooled, she distanced herself, then he’d begin…
This post is not about being the best version of yourself.
I detest that line. When I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror I actually want to scream in horror at this version of myself. Ageing is a bitch.
Point is, we can’t be the best versions of ourselves all the time and we don’t have to be. We just have to be ourselves — and accept all of the versions, even on the bad days, even in the mornings.
A better aim is to figure out your own take on happiness — on what makes…
Do you regret your choice of partner?
Do you wish you’d given yourself more time to experiment? Had more (or fewer) partners? More fun? More sex?
Do you secretly stalk social media, longing for the one who got away? Wondering where they are now. Thinking If only. Wondering What If.
In therapy, we often end up talking about regrets. We don’t sit down for a formal session on regret — these topics float to the top as we examine life as it is now.
Most people have regrets. A staunch few will stay in the “I have no regrets” camp…
Are you mentally strong?
Actually, scrap that. Everyone has some degree of mental strength; the only thing that matters is whether you’re happy with how you handle the Critical Moments in your life.
Mental strength — also known as grit or mental toughness — refers to how you respond and perform under significant stress, pressure or adversity, how you deal with life’s challenges and how you recover from them.
But mental strength is hard to measure: How do you rate your stress response when you’re in the middle of it? How do you pinpoint when you’ve recovered from adversity? …
Your relationship has hit the “meh” zone.
Things are okay. But just okay. It’s all so predictable. You want to feel better together, have more fun, be more connected.
I was working with a man who told me he and his partner of five years didn’t do anything fun any more. Money was tight, there were no shared goals, no feeling they were on the same page. It was just Boring.
“Sometimes I think of quitting but we’ve been together this long for a reason. He’s a great guy. …
I don’t meet many Narcissists.
They don’t usually sign up for therapy. That’s because they already know how they want to play life — and people. They say they don’t have “issues”, they don’t need “fixing”.
But they’ll often insist their partner “sees someone”. When this happens they will attend a session — usually just one — so they can explain properly what’s going on. Because (they believe) they can do it better than their partner. Which is an interesting take on relationships. And an even more interesting reflection on themselves.
Emotional unavailability gets a bad rap in relationships.
That’s understandable. At its full blown best, it can be toxic. It blocks intimacy. It creates distance between partners and leads to breakups and loneliness.
One of the common struggles in relationships is a mismatch in emotional expression. One partner wants (and is able to) express their feelings freely and becomes frustrated with the other (who can’t or doesn’t want to).
This inevitably leads to conflict and, often, the demise of the relationship because one — or both — partners find trying to close the gap too stressful.
“Not all who are…