Harsh life advice has had its day.
Life advice shouldn’t yell at you — it should whisper.
It should gently land on you in a way that makes — no, allows — you to think, to absorb it in your own time, in your own way.
Especially now, especially in a world that’s been tipped upside down by a pandemic.
Life advice given in a SHOUTY!!! voice makes me smile. Because it seems like the person giving it has life sorted; they know what they’re doing. When I’m not sure anyone does — ever.
Life Won’t Do What You Tell It To
The trouble with all life advice is that it tries to impose law…
How to break the pattern.
Are you an enabler in your relationship?
Honestly, it’s a tough question to ask. It’s an even tougher one to put your hand up and confess to. No-one wants to think they are a key player in another’s dysfunction.
But it’s a good one to think about — by yourself, with no-one around to cast judgment. Because enabling will not only not help them — it will set you up for misery in love.
Enabling: What does it mean?
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”— Mahatma Gandhi
The term enabling is usually used in the context of alcohol, drugs and addiction. The most common…
Bravery is freedom.
They’re not the loudest.
They’re not the strongest.
They don’t live privileged lives.
They don’t (necessarily) take the biggest risks.
Some people just seem to have the internal strength — the guts — to act on their own terms, do push through their fears, to do what they believe is right and true.
How do they do it?
What makes people courageous?
Courage is simply the ability to do what you fear. We’re not born with it. We can’t learn it in a classroom. Sometimes we don’t even know we have it until we’re tested — until we absolutely have no choice.
Courage can’t…
Does your partner put up a wall? Or is it you?
“Being alone is scary, but not as scary as feeling alone in a relationship.”- Amelia Earhart
“He’s emotionally unavailable,” a woman said of her partner.
“I can’t seem to break through and figure out what he’s thinking. I can’t get close to him. It’s like he doesn’t trust me with his feelings.”
She’d been dating this man for six months and it didn’t seem to get any easier. She wanted to know if emotional unavailability was an actual “condition”; was it something that could be changed?
It’s a good question. “Emotional unavailability” is a term commonly used by people who…
Is there a difference?
A man I was working with wanted to break up with his partner.
When I asked him why he said he would always love her. But he was not “in love” with her anymore.
The first time I heard this from a client I was puzzled: How does anyone know when they’ve crossed the line, when they’re officially “out” of love?
But it didn’t take long to figure it out. It’s code for “I want to have sex with someone else.” And that someone else is almost always already hovering in the wings.
Over the years I’ve heard this pitch…
How to live on your own terms.
“If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill is higher.” ― Debbie Macomber
Do you struggle to keep your green-eyed monster in its cage?
That’s okay. Some degree of envy is normal. Especially when social media gives us a 24/7 window to the lives of others. When we’re constantly seeing what-they-have and what-they’re-doing and how-incredible-they-look, it’s hard not to benchmark ourselves against them.
But we have to be careful. Envy is a rat trap. It turns us into victims. …
Delivered with a 2021 twist.
What makes a good relationship?
Throw that question to the masses and you’ll get a slew of answers — from honest communication, to trust, to tolerance — to gin.
But it’s a question worth thinking about, especially now, after Covid (and its assorted lockdowns) has dragged our relationships into the spotlight — for better or for worse.
Early reports show a spike in divorce rates during the pandemic — and in people searching for online relationship advice. …
How to make sure it’s not hurting you.
Relationships are not perfectly, evenly formed.
That’s because the people in them are, er, people. We all have our quirks, our vulnerabilities and triggers, our flaws and strengths; our own brands of crazy.
So it makes sense that we don’t love in equal measure; that one partner in a relationship is more devoted than the other.
I recall one woman who couldn’t stop talking about her husband. …
The degree most worth striving for.
“Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.”― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
We all know life’s not a course we can complete.
We don’t come out of it with a framed certificate to hang on the wall.
Most of us have no clue as to how long we’ve got. All we know is there’s a start and an end — and the challenge is to make the most of the gap between them.
It’s not easy: we all face challenges, unexpected curve balls, events that knock…
“I love you, but you don’t know what you’re talking about.” — Moonrise Kingdom
Is your relationship in good shape?
Or has it gotten a little saggy over the past year? Could it do with a little freshen up?
We all need to keep an eye on our relationships — especially after the sh*t-storm Covid has — and is — putting them through.
But, even if you’re aware your relationship needs a little work, it can be hard to know where to start. Slapping a date night on top of your struggles just might not cut it.
So here’s an…
