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Clinical psychologist, writer. Editor of On the Couch: Practical psychology for everyday life.
Boulder Beach, Dunedin, New Zealand. Photo by Boris Baldinger on Unsplash

Kia ora koutou katoa / Hi everyone,

I’m a clinical psychologist and writer from New Zealand (Aotearoa). Aka a Kiwi from the land of 5 million people, 26 million sheep and jaw-droppingly beautiful scenery.

I’ve been writing on Medium for a while now. Thank you for diving into my stories…

Photo by Shai Pal on Unsplash

You deserve a great life.

Maybe you already have one and you’re keen, if not desperate, to hold onto it or keep it moving in the right direction?

Or maybe you’re struggling and you want some help digging out of the pit to get to the life you know is…

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Are you emotionally mature?

Are you a grown up when it comes to understanding and managing your emotional reactions to, well, everything?

Most of us would like to say “yes”. But it’s tricky because almost everyone’s emotional playbook has blemishes. …

DPhoto by Danie Franco on Unsplash

Empathy? Yeah, no thanks. I’ll pass on that.

I get it. If you’ve gotten out of a narcissist’s clutches, you’ll probably still be nursing your emotional wounds. The last thing you want to do is feel sorry for them.

But, you should. Sort of. Because you can grow, change and…

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Mistakes. We all make ’em.

But even though we know it’s human to screw up, they can still crawl under our skin.

They can still fill us with guilt and shame. …

Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

Are you struggling?

Actually, a better question might be: How are you struggling?

The world is a tough place. Everyone has their challenges. Sure, some people face more difficulty than others — and some seem unfairly tested — but we all walk a rocky path. …

Photo by Thanos Pal on Unsplash

“I don’t want what my parents had,” a woman who was struggling in her relationship told me. “But that’s where I’m going.”

She described a practical, dutiful relationship between her parents — one that she thought was typical of the era. Just doing what they had to do. …

Photo by Amandine Cornillon on Unsplash

So you want to be more resilient.

Fair aim. Everyone does. Especially now, when a stubborn pandemic has smashed us with a reminder that life is about living alongside uncertainty.

It always was, but the pandemic’s arrival gave it a 21st Century spin. It made it up-in-your-grill real.

A lot…

Photo by Angelo Pantazis on Unsplash

You’re desperate to switch up your life.

Quit your job, change your career, end your relationship, move to a new house. Or town. Or country. Or get a piercing. Or a tattoo. OMG, to just do something.

But you’re also struggling mentally; flat, anxious, detached — even numb — and…

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You probably knew you what you were going through.

It’s just that you: (1) denied it, (2) were so confused by it, (3) desperately wanted the relationship to work, (4) kept trying even when you knew it was futile and (5) found it too hard to leave.

Narcissistic abuse is…

Karen Nimmo

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