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8 Ways to Spot Cracks in Your Relationship (Before They Become Canyons)

Karen Nimmo
5 min readJun 25, 2019

“Marriage is very difficult. Marriage is like a five-thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky.” — Cathy Ladman, comedian.

A woman said she was sick of her partner.

His habits annoyed her, they had little fun, less sex and constantly niggled at each other over trivial things. She had begun to wonder if she could do better. “Actually, I don’t care about that — I’d be just as happy on my own.”

But would she? Breaking up a relationship — especially when there are kids involved — is a high stakes game. It can change everything: family dynamics, financial situations, living conditions, friendships.

While there are very clear cases for leaving — such as an abusive relationship, having your trust broken irredeemably or going through a trauma that neither partner can recover from — many relationships are worth more investment.

So when you feel the burn of dissatisfaction, hit pause and know you are normal. Almost no-one floats through an entire relationship on a golden cloud. Even couples celebrating their diamond wedding anniversaries will list “tolerance” (or gin) as the secret to their togetherness.

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Karen Nimmo
Karen Nimmo

Written by Karen Nimmo

Clinical psychologist, author of 4 books. Editor of On the Couch: Practical psychology for health and happiness. karen@onthecouch.co.nz

Responses (1)

What are your thoughts?

I think that I will not reveal a big secret if I say that many couples experience something similar, and mine was no exception. The love and relationship of a couple is an everyday work. When I saw that the misunderstanding between us was growing, I…...